100 Days Of My Youth (Day 2): It’s all Fake!

See, never believe everything you see, everything you’re told and everything you hear in the corridors. Learn to Pay a deaf ear and a blind eye. Everything can be faked and some rare times, it can all be real (rarely)!

Our Youth is filled Fake, filled with Chinese Fake and Fake Deep, name it!. Our friends too are sometimes fake. Sadly, our families too are fake at times.

At the end of the day, everything around you is fake; Fake make up, fake Balenciaga, fake accents, fake tones of filters of Instagram, fake periods, fake pregnancies, fake swag and suave, fake kidnaps to get ransom so that we gotta get a penny. Fake everything!

This fake-ness creeps! It intensifies and gets worse. It preys on those who once had good souls and turns into monsters. Our Youth is filed with these and more. Safe to say, most times, our Youth is Fake!

See when I was starting out as a Youthful Journalist (or say masquerading in the media) about five years ago, no one wanted to hear me out, my pieces were never published, my work never made it to the big stage, I was never shortlisted for awards, I wished for my byline to be in the papers so that I could print it out and hang it on my bedroom wall or even brag to my mum how my sleepless nights writing had finally paid off.

All I ever hoped for was for my piece to be a topic of debate among random folks in offices or in the market. All I ever wanted was to be seen as a fountain of remarkable news reporting. That shit Never happened, it sunk in the hard away, I was never destined for glory, atleast not that kind!

I get it, maybe I was not worthy, maybe I was not there yet and maybe my work wasn’t upto standard of making it to the National paper, I get it!

But damn it! No one guided me, no one told me where I relentlessly went wrong, no one corrected me. I knocked! Not once or twice but several times. I fell and no one cared to pick and dust me up. All my efforts fucking went to waste, my dreams were washed the drain. I blame no one in all honesty but myself!

Life raced by, hope faded and I gave up ever making it to the big media houses. Some luck presented itself but was not good enough. Or maybe I had long lost hope. Maybe!

You see it’s all Fake! The love I got, the encouragement I got, the promises I got were all Fake. The editors were all Fake, the ones at Monitor and the New Vision were all Fake. They never cared at all. They never read my emails, they never got back to me. They never went a mile to nurture me. I understand, I get it. I wasn’t worth it. (Atleast the ones at the Al Jazeera and the BBC had the audacity to tell to my face that I was not good enough through mail.)

They didn’t have the balls to tell it to my face. They shunned away, basked themselves in their egos and never even responded to any of my endless emails.

Long before I knew it, I gave up. For the Fake positive vibe and encouragement I received, I eventually let go! Fake deep settled in. I matured, moved on and got better! Recovered and sought refuge in some other field not far away from my passion.

I’ve met some of them, spoken about the past over a cold beer, shared the bitter truth and laughed at it. Life has since moved on. Before I did, I forgave myself and them….it’s the paradox of life. I came to terms with that.

Sometimes what we expect to go our way never does. What we hope to work out never does and what we least expect to come through, actually does come through. It’s a confusing game we’re playing but we carry on.

Our Youth is such a wide chessboard and all we’re being presented with at the pieces to move each day that strolls by till we’re checked!

Youth is about the only thing worth having, and that is about the only thing youth has. ~ Edgar Watson Howe

Series of my youthfulness, bit and pieces of my life coupled with up and downs, I try to speak to myself through the words and maybe I can find myself at some point. I share my ups and downs, highs and lows, my journey and maybe someone out there relates. While many continue to shun away from it, depression is a serious cancer that doesn’t need to be swept right under the carpet.