In the dawn of 2015, around October, I found myself turning into a bitter youth. I turned out to be a beast groomed from within, I hated myself, I hated those around me and I distanced myself from most of my friends.
Around those times, I had fallen out with my dad and left home to set out and start life on my own. It was a decision I had thought about a while and when everything just keep on pressing, I finally burst my own gut of patience and walked out with absolutely nothing but only the clothes I had on.
I set out to start life, by the hustle, living every day as is, with nothing, I soldiered on like I was just dropped on earth with no home. I easily made friends and easily lost them. I was on my own, I felt it from within me, I saw it happen and I isolated myself from what many youths my age were running to and cherishing.
Dating was a luxury for me and I chose to give up on ever wanting to be in a relationship. I was too poor to even make a girl smile with my jokes. Infact my jokes were stale, old and boring as hell. Although I seemed to be the most informed about the dopest spots in town for dates and what not, I had actually never been to any of these places. I had studied their menus online and read their reviews so as I could firmly give an informed opinion.
Every middle of the night that I randomly woke up, I thought so hard about myself, what tomorrow had in store for me. What my friends thought about me,how my family was so disappointed in me, how all my relatives judged and ridiculed me. It was such a trying moment for me. I was young, ambitious, confused and disgruntled about life.
Each and everything I hoped for and hoped to be went north instead of south as planned. No one seemed to care, I was also too egoed to even care that I was struggling with the decisions I made. I sought refuge in the Lord and that didn’t work out as instantly as I had anticipated but I look back now and realize I was desperate for results. In the desperate moments, I ran to God and wanted to “use” him for the wrong reasons and he humbled me.
I was eager to show the “world” that I was never wrong, I was ready to tell them how they were wrong about me from the start. I was filled with rage and anger, my judgement was always clouded with anger and this misguided. Everything was stupid and foolish!
Eventually, I slowed down. I swore to slow down and here I am!
In that year, all my dreams seemed to be going down the drain, all my plans never worked out, I was broke and broken!
A youth is to be regarded with respect. How do you know that his future will not be equal to our present? ~Confucius