I was seated by the bar counter unusually drinking tea and the bartender kept on looking at me like as though he wanted to ask me something really burning.
It somewhat persistent and I really felt uncomfortable about, so I decided that I rather not ask him but shift to. another location far from his sight. However, vividly, one could tell that there was something on my mind and I was taken away and lost in thought.
The night sailed through smoothly and for a while, I got high thanks to the numerous texts that buzzed my phone and I buried myself in my phone like as though I had been stood up on a date. Hours flew by and I didn’t seem to notice anything surrounding me.
A friend I was texting asked me, “How is your life”, something that she doesn’t occasionally ask when we chat but this time around I felt the uniqueness in this question which gave me a rather odd feel and attracted a sincere response.
I thought about how really my life is at the moment and I froze at just how much of a cramble it is. Just how I’m not seemingly growing at the pace I’d anticipated myself to be at, at the level I’d hoped to finally be at this stage in life.
For that small while before I responded to the message, I remembered just how pretentious I’ve been about really being fine.
Truth is, I’m not fine, I’m hurt, I’m broken on the inside. Like various youths out there that have mastered the ease with which they show that they’re fine when actually they’re not, it’s alarming.
Maybe we need a support group where we all come together and talk about anything and everything. Instead of going to Panamera every Wednesday for a pint or two, how about we get together and talk about just how shit is fucked Up and pulling us down without even us noticing.
We’re grappling with depression but have chosen to sweep all that right under the carpet and have chosen to be just this way. Is it helping? Yes! No! Maybe! I really don’t know!
Today, you really want someone to talk to but can’t really get to talk to anyone because no one around you can really understand whatever it is you’re going through. Not because they’ve showed that to you but because the way your friendship is set up, that “kind of service” is not there.
Maybe it’s just a phase..At some point in our youthful lives, we’ve all probably been down this road before and it shall sure pass by and we’ll be just alright. Maybe there’s really no cause for alarm.
Tomorrow even after all this storm, maybe we’ll carry on and be just fine!