Ageing comes with just about a number of things, the good and the bad, the ups and downs and much more. It’s a whole lot of jumbled up things going on from the time you realize that you’ve actually & indeed aged.
For some, the realization of adulthood comes quickly & they have no option but to take life by the horns, for some, it’s continued living in denial and busking in refusal to come to terms with what life is presenting at their door.
For me, this stage in life came quite earlier than I thought or say, I ‘entered’ it quite soon. Naive and clumsy, I set out to be the independent lad I’ve always wanted to be. Do things my way, govern my decisions and tell myself what to do and when to do it.
However, the dilemma to live life within my means and chopping life came at me. The challenges of life calm at my like a swarm bees. Like a youth setting out to explore life, I always found myself broke and broken.
I always wanted to live a lifestyle I couldn’t afford. Even when I would eat from a kafunda and eat to my fill, I would opt for the fancy and expensive places just to feel cool about myself and prolly someone else who bumped into me would think of me as ‘Bad & Boujee’.
For all the times that I had money, all I thought about was to go ‘blast away’ and have a ‘good time’. The plan literally was live life like tomorrow was not there. And if it happened to come, it would surely ‘sort itself’ because ‘life had to be eaten’.
Overtime, I found myself in a one step forward, two steps backwards kinda growth of life. I found myself in the same position for a long time even as my friends prospered. All my hardwork was going to waste and I didn’t really have nothing to show after months of hustling.
On some days, I sat by myself and spoke to myself because no friend of mine bothered to advise me, no one cared to tell me that whatever I was doing, the way I led my life was surely never going to take me a step further. Life got tough and ugly and on several occasions, it occurred to me that I need to stop leading such a life.
Going to the bar and coming back in the morning wasted had turned into a hobby, spending on unnecessary things was the order of the day and this continued to cost me. All things were falling apart.
Today, I have spoken to myself over and over again. I’ve learnt that I need to take sacrifices, I don’t need to leave in an expensive apartment just to prove a point, I don’t have to buy an expensive bottle in a bar just to show my friends that I can afford it, I don’t have to at high end restaurants all the time just to maintain a certain level that my friends think I Lead.
I’ve learnt to live within my means, I’ve learnt to spend on things that I can afford and won’t regret the next day. It’s still a struggle as the the dire need to “live life” still haunts me but surely I’m grateful for how far I’ve adulted and grown.
Life has humbled me, I now know why some people do what they do and lead the lives they lead.