After moons and days of procrastination, I finally had lunch with my elder sister. It’s been a few good times of convincing each other to fit in schedules and also find time to actually spend some time together.
Although lunch played as an excuse to catch up, we really had quite a lot to go by. Indeed it had been such a long time.
When she first saw me, seated right there at this diner that had turned my into my office of the day, she filled with joy, love and compassion. From the look she donned, I could clearly tell that she was delighted to see me.
“You look like money”, is the first statement she said after we shared pleasantries. Today, I get those kind of statements quite a lot and when she said that, I did the normal and usual, laughed it off!
Every when someone tells me that, my heart is filled with warmth and yet my subconscious mind continues to be filled with guilt and sadness at times.
Years ago, when someone told me such a statement, I’d laugh it off with so much anger and heaviness because for me it sounded much like a mockery. Today, that’s not the case.
To be honest, within me, I feel I’ve earned it. I feel there’s no lie in that statement, it’s truly worthy and every when I’m all by myself and remember me then and me now, i take a deep breathe and my soul is filled with Joy. I’m instantly comforted every when I see the transformation that has happened in my life. It would be absolutely mean not to be thankful to what life has brought me & just how much the lord has granted me.
But truth is, for some reason it’s not all beds of roses in some of our lives. Whereas we choose what we want to show about ourselves on social media, the success and joys we’re experiencing, the challenges, setbacks & crises continue to bring us a little more misery.
While fellow youths see you living your best life, a lifestyle the cherish and want to live in their future, they’re not sure how you got there or what it is you’re doing to be where you are and keep going. Also, it’s like they really care about it anyway, so I guess that’s for your to grapple with.
Admittedly, I have money now that I never had, I hangout at places that I could never afford years ago, my lifestyle is one to die for and admire among some of my folks and indeed it somewhat makes me happy & proud deep down inside. I’ve been places & achieved things some of my peers & old folks haven’t & that makes me stand out.
Although I have all this thanks to the numerous hours of hard work I’ve had to put it, there’s no finish that has been crossed yet. Day in, day out brokenness does settle in, when you feel like everything is moving smoothly like it’s supposed to be, something even more challenging strolls by.
The reality of it all is we’re all out here trying to fake it till we finally make it. Even if we eventually make it today, tomorrow will come with it’s own issues & hurdles to dealt with & leaped over. That’s the paradox of youthfulness. While people that see you live the best life think you’ve somewhat made it, they don’t have the slightest idea & clue what it is you’re going through!
All you’ve got to do is continue doing what you have to do, Fake it if you have to, be happy within your means, live your life the way your deem fit & be grateful for every little transformation in your life. Celebrate those small wins too!