I don’t know who is a Youth, I don’t know where I fall at this rate, if I am a Youth or not. My folks categorize me as one, the darned government throws me in that lot too. Society long branded me one. I gave up trying to make sense of it all and just decided to ride by the flow. I’m a youth, no further questions!
There’s a misconception that has failed to catch up with me. Who is a youth? I can’t seem to know me. I still sit on my couch, stand by my balcony and bury myself in thought. At times, I slumber while buried in those moments and thoughts. What am I not doing right, what am I not doing well, where did I go wrong and who’s at the other side to catch me when I fall? Who’s watching me close enough to correct me when I go wrong?. Such a hurdle, Life!
What am I doing with my life? I want to speak for myself, I want to stand by my balcony and shout out loud at whoever cares to listen at my wild thoughts. I just want someone to tell me it’s a Phase, a stage that will soon be gone.
You’re confused by what I have written right? Yeah me too! In Fact, it doesn’t really makes sense at all. And No!, i am not contemplating suicide(No one ever should)
Time and again we’ve been caught up in this phase of life as “Youth”. The stage called adulting, a moment when you go all out on your own, no more pennies from old papa and mama, you’re faced with the world, right at your feet, you need to carry it and drag it all the way till only God Knows where.
At that moment, Life brings a full buffet served with; bills, debts, hustles, proposal rejects, failed businesses, great ideas but zero starting capital, failed relationships, hypocrites…name it. Frustration starts to kick in, a negative vibe and attitude settles at the bottom of your mind. It carries rage along with it.
On sunny days, the menu has dessert containing good deals, fine shoes, a ‘lit’ party, a lovely girlfriend, a happy wallet, steamy sex, a cold beer…name it. It can’t be that bad always, no it can’t. The meal ought to be balanced.
My ‘Youth’ has been characterised with ups and downs, highs and lows. It’s a rollercoaster. Sometimes it’s on highways, other days, it’s negotiating a corner on a murrum road. Filled with adventure and yet nothing to show. “It sucks”, I always admit!
Some days, I roll fast like a high-roller, other days I morph into something I barely understand, it’s like as though my spirit dies. It’s as though someone is pulling me back, a thought is holding me back and a fear is tying me down. It gets intense, it gets wild.
The urge to give up often trickles in, the desire to let go becomes stronger and the need to hang in there withers by the day. A frown covers my face, ridges occupy my forehead, anger and mood swings become a hobby, my life suffers a stroke and suddenly everything seems to be crumbling down. Ohh Yeah!
I pick myself up all the time, it’s not like I have an Option!
I get it, I’m a Youth!
Youth comes but once in a lifetime. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Series of my youthfulness, bit and pieces of my life coupled with up and downs, I try to speak to myself through the words and maybe I can find myself at some point. I share my ups and downs, highs and lows, my journey and maybe someone out there relates. While many continue to shun away from it, depression is a serious cancer that doesn’t need to be swept right under the carpet.