Every time I get behind my laptop and start tickling the keys of the board to jot something for my daily youth series, I am listening to something contemporary, slow and soothing. Something emotion and thought evoking. And even when I am on a laze and writing about just about anything, I am listening to some music to up my mojo.
I don’t really have a particular playlist because my music is literally all the same so it blends in easily every when I plug in the earphones and start writing. However, the one always stands out for me is Kimera’s Slow Down. I Pause it, I repeat it and rewind it. It speaks to me, it makes things to me, it brings memories back to me, both of joy and sadness. It is such a perfect mastery or sorts, You and I can’t deny.
Among the things this Jam brings back racing to my mind is the endless times I have failed at having stable relationships. I hurt more on the inside every time I remember the relationships that I gave my whole and was only repaid with a sudden break up and how was left mending a broken heart. Everytime this happens, I remember how much of a loser I am, my heart stops racing for relationships and ultimately slows down.
I remember the dreams we hard and shared a few weeks into some of my relationships. It was amazing, intense and everything was written in the stars. For some, it was leg at first sight and for others, it was surely love at first sight. Somewhere somehow, all never ended perfectly. Maybe I was to blame or maybe them. It was just drama to wrap up my scenarios. Sometimes funny and sometimes not!
All these beat me twice and I am shy to get back into any relationship, I am afraid to get hurt once more or to hurt someone’s daughter. Or wait, maybe I am too broke to take care of any lady. I fear to see her need something I honestly couldn’t offer her. It’s a thing with us ‘Youth’, we fear to say it to the faces of those we love that we are broke, that we can’t take them to the movies, we can’t take them to fancy dinners on their birthdays. We are too proud to be seen as broke yet we are actually grappling with broke-ness and debts too.
See some of us are broke and broken too. The rich lads are taking our girls and we can’t even put up a fight at all. We have nothing to show, we are a weak link and you know the thing about a broke guy is your voice can’t even scare a cat. You be humble, you keep quiet, you look but can’t touch, you have but can’t eat and you want but can’t ask.
All you have to do is Slow Down, get your shit back together and then maybe you can consider trying to get into a relationship again. In all things you must do, getting into a relationship when you are frustrated should not be one of them.
I Know up, there I beat around the bush so much and not tell you a core experience but on my next random day and it all comes back to me or I bump into my ex, I’ll narrate the story that makes me a broken soul but for now, I need a cold Guinness!
Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind. You are as old as your doubt, your fear, your despair. The way to keep young is to keep your faith young. Keep your self-confidence young. Keep your hope young. ~ Luella F. Phean